Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Congratulations! We have a period
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
