Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
