Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
