So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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