I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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