The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
