1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
