I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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