just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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