"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
