last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
