I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
