why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
