Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
