I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
