your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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