Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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