Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Farmville is her only friend.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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