he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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