Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
