I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
