This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
