Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
