It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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