My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
