before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
