dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
