I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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