he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
