Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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