After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
