guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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