Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
