wrigley field is MILF paradise
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
