Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
