Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
