living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
