you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Randomize
