Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
