Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
