This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize