glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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