I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
