Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
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Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
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Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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