have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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