I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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