Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
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I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
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I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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