I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
