The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
im holly from the hills drunk
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
