Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
