I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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