omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
