Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
