He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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