I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He uses pillows to masturbate.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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