Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
