i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
fuck your aforementioned shoe
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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