Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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