So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
