just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
