The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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