i wish semen tasted like chocolate
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize