yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
