Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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