Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
