And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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