No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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