I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
How does it feel to date your dad?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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