You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
