Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize