Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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