How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
