Plan B is the new Plan A
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
