Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
