i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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