just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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