I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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